


Sometimes Death Isn’t Even The Worst That Can Possibly Happen - Free!

by ImmediatelyWriting



Category: Free!
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Medical, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brain Damage, Caring, Coma, Coma-like state, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Free! Dive to the Future, Free! Eternal Summer, Haruka and Makoto sharing a home, Hazuki Nagisa Cameo, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Matsuoka Gou Cameo, Matsuoka Rin Cameo, Medical Conditions, Medical Patient Haruka, Medical Trauma, Mentioned Yamazaki Sousuke, Mild ReiGisa, No Spoilers, Not Happy, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Tachibana Makoto, PVS, PVS patient Haruka Nanase, Possible Happy Ending - I don't know yet, Ryuugazaki Rei Cameo, Sad, Sick Character, Sickfic, Unprofesional Caretaker Makoto Tachibana, not canon, vegetative state
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25184614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmediatelyWriting/pseuds/ImmediatelyWriting
Summary: Ten minutes...That's how long it took the universe to tear Haruka away from Makoto.After a tragic accident at the age of seventeen and ten minutes without proper CPR, Haruka now lives his life as a vegetable at Makoto's house.Haruka's swimming career, gone... Haruka's body control, gone... and his brain function, gone too...All that's left is Haruka's body, alive but not aware or able to do anything but drool and keep itself to a wake-and-sleep-cycle as Makoto takes care of his best friend 24/7.Of course, there's always miracles... and if someone has a friend like Makoto, who's taken proper care of Haruka for four years now without giving up, miracles are bound to happen.(Makoto's POV)
Relationships: Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto
Comments: 36
Kudos: 68





	1. My Favorite Person is Haruka Nanase

**Author's Note:**

> Auditional Warnings;  
> Descriptions of PVSpatient-Haruka (which may be disturbing to some?)
> 
> Please, know that these characters don't belong to me but to the anime "Free! Iwatobi Swim Club", also know that this is NOT canon and the shipping of MakoHaru is only mild in this fanfiction, if you want more intense shipping (not smut) go to my other stories and choose one of the slowburn MakoHaru medical AUs I've written, okay?
> 
> Other than that, I hope you enjoy this (possibly short) story and I hope my research did it justice :)  
> Don't be shy and leave me a comment ;)
> 
> Love, Noa <3
> 
> Enjoy :)

“My favorite person in the entire world is Haruka Nanase,” I say. “He used to be a great swimmer in high school, I was on the same team as him, I wasn’t as good by far.”

The class of five handicapped children glares at me, because they’re fully interested in my explanation of the assignment they’re going to do for tomorrow.

“We’re best friends, always have been.” I smile lightly, thinking back to the simple days when we were still in high school thinking that choosing a college would be the toughest choice we’d ever have to make. “He always was silent and sometimes he could be really rude, but that didn’t make like him less. Haruka’s my favorite person of everyone I know.”

It takes the younger kids a moment to process what I just said, but eventually one of them starts clapping in his hands enthusiastically, asking, “Mister Tachibana? Could you maybe bring this friend to school one day?”

I grimace, thinking of the thing I left out of my introduction to the favorite-person-in-the-world-essay. What they don’t know is that Haruka lives with me, but there’s no way he could ever come to school. What I mean is, there’s a reason he lives at my house and not on his own, it’s because he’s unable to care for himself and his parents probably don’t even know about the state their son is in.

“Sorry.” I shake my head sadly. “I can’t, he’s… busy.”

It’s a big lie, Haruka’s busy being alive of course, but he’s not busy with work or studying like I am.

One of the younger girls, Sakura, almost starts crying when I say no. She always has difficulties with people telling her “no” and I know this, so I immediately feel bad for saying that.

“Look, I’m sorry,” I repeat and sit down, so I’m more down to the kids’ eyelevel. “Haruka… he just can’t right now, he’s a little sick.”

A little… I wince at my choice of words. Haruka’s not even near a little sick, he’s barely alive. Otherwise I wouldn’t be working right now to earn the money I immediately have to spend on medical equipment, hospital visits and medication, and I wouldn’t also be paying a nurse right now, just so I’m able to work without permanently having to check Haruka into a housing with 24/7 care.

“But if he’s better,” I continue, still full on lying and whishing the parents will wander into the hallway soon to pick their children up. “I promise to bring him, if he’s better. Okay?”

I get a few nods, nothing more.

“Okay, back to your assignment.” I look at the paperwork on my table, all sorts of assignments these children still have to take throughout this month. “I want you all to record a little information about your favorite person in the entire world, just like I did just a second ago.”

I get up from my seat and start handing out the assignments for the parents to read. As I do that, I glance at the clock in the back of the room; only three more minutes until I can go home, to Haruka.

“This can be about whoever you want,” I explain. “Your sibling, parents, best friend, or a celebrity for instance. But it can also be someone else, as long as they’re a person and not an animal or animated figure, okay?”

Taki, one of the older boys frowns and asks, “So, can I do mine about Artemis from Sailor Moon?”

I chuckle, probably sounding very off with all that’s on my mind, and shake my head in the meantime. “No, Taki,” I say, still laughing kindly. “Artemis is not a real person – nor a person at all, but you could choose the actor who voices him for instance. Or someone more close to you.”

“Okay,” Taki replies, but he still looks a little disappointed.

I hand out the last piece of paper and tell them to try to have it done by tomorrow morning. By the time that’s done, all parents have already gathered in the hallway, so all that’s left to do is to end the day with a song.

“Okay, everyone ready to end off the day?” I ask, leaning against my desk. “You know how to song goes by now, right?” I don’t even have to wait for an answer before everyone starts singing.

It only takes a few minutes before everyone has said their “goodbye’s and has gone home with their parents to have an afternoon full of playing.

I grab my bag and yesterday’s assignment and walk to the door; ready for the hardest part of my day to begin.

. . .

“I’m home!” I yell, knowing it’ll probably startle the poor nurse, but it’s just drilled into my system.

My tiny house is lit with dim light and I can hear the nurse’s footsteps coming closer with every second that I spend taking off my shoes and coat.

“Oh, good afternoon, young Tachibana,” the older nurse, Aika, says with a polite smile. “You’re home early today.”

She’s always here to take care of Haruka during the daytime, since I’m working, and she still hasn’t figured out what Wednesday means; I’m always done early and I always spend these afternoons to take Haruka out for a bit, wash him, feed him and such, and when he’s sleeping I sit down to look at my class’s assignments and do other work.

“Yes, of course,” I mumble, walking to the kitchen table and putting down my bag. “Can you take me through everything you’ve done already? After that you’re free to go, like always.”

Aika nods and starts listing up everything she’s taken care of already; first and second meal of the say, muscle exercise, first batch of medication, bath and two diaper changes.

“Thank you,” I say, giving her a short bow-ish nod while leader her to the door, not much later. “I’ll make sure to pay you at the end of the week, I should have enough by then.”

Aika nods, and says, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” Before putting on her heels and saying goodbye for today. She’ll be back by tomorrow morning, I know that, because we’ve been doing this for almost one and a half year now.

I close the door when she’s gone and quickly find myself walking towards Haruka’s room. I even lightly knock on the door and saying, “I’m coming in, okay?” before sliding open the door, even though I know Haruka won’t possibly be able to understand that.

And there he is, lying in the installed hospital bed, surrounded by a heart monitor, ventilator and all kinds of medical equipment that I don’t even know the name of.

“Hi, Haruka,” I whisper, walking into the room.

His eyes are open, but it’s as if he looks straight past me. Every now and then they roll at me and he’ll mumble something inaudible, almost as if he’s mad at me for calling him Haruka. I know that, _if_ Haruka’s in there, he’d want to tell me “don’t call me Haruka” or something like that. But the doctors say that Haruka’s a lost cause, that nothing of his old self is in there anymore.

I lay my hand on his exposed arm and feel my throat contracting again.

I remember when they told me that Haruka was awake but not aware, in a persistent vegetative state, after we – I, Rin, Nagisa and Rei – had been anxiously waiting at the hospital for hours. We were allowed in his room, one by one, and when I saw Haruka, I barely recognized him, he had a tube going into his windpipe through his neck and he couldn’t swallow and therefore drooled all over himself and he just… he didn’t looked like the guy I’d known and loved for as long as I can remember.

It still, even after four years, hurts to see him like this; unable to move his body at all, unable to do anything but breathe, drool and move his eyes, completely oblivious to the world around him.

All of that, just because they didn’t have a defibrillator nearby… all because his heart decided to give up on him midway a competition we had trained so hard for.

Ten minutes, that’s how long Haruka survived without receiving proper CPR. Of course, I tried… I tried my very best to give CPR, but I wasn’t able to keep his body from shutting down completely.

If we hadn’t gone to that stupid game, Haruka would’ve gone to college and he would’ve gotten a job, maybe he’d even become a professional swimmer.

But now, I’m sure, he’ll never swim again; he might not even live another week if he’s to catch a cold or get another infection today or tomorrow. And it’d be my fault, because I didn’t take good enough care of my best friend.

“I missed you,” I continue, walking around to the other side of the bed. “I had a fun day with the kids again, you know? They wanted to meet you, but I told them no.”

When I take his hand in mine, I feel no muscle control, no squeeze back I’ve longed for or even any reaction, other just Haruka’s eyes briefly moving in my direction. But he can’t see me, or maybe he can but he doesn’t process that I’m here, for as far as the doctors know.

“I know you wouldn’t want to be in front of an entire class like I do.” I smile lightly at the memory of how awkward Haruka could get when it came to having to speak in public, he’d always go silent and afterwards he would act as if he didn’t just shut down completely. “But I know what you might like.”

I let go of his hand and get a clean towel from the cabinet across the room. I wet it with some lukewarm water before walking back to the bed where Haruka’s laying.

“I think you wouldn’t mind some face and hand cleansing, followed by, let’s see, a crème?”

There’s no reply, of course, but I can tell just by looking at the way his gaze moves past the soaked towel that he’s in for a cleaning session, even though he had a bath this morning.

That hasn’t changed, I think, Haruka still seems to have a slight passion for everything water-related, even if it’s just the kind brushing of a wet towel on his hair, face and hands.

I tousle his hair, using the towel, and I clean his hands before laying them back in position, and lastly I wipe the saliva off his face before throwing the towel in the laundry basket.

And after drying his hair and hands and face off, I carefully rub some crème on his hands and face to make sure his skin doesn’t get too dry when we’re going out in a few moments.

“You’re in for a walk, right?” I ask, cleaning the leftovers of the crème off my hands.

An inaudible mumble is the only reply I get, which I take for a “yes” and so I get Haruka’s wheelchair from the other room so we can go for a short walk.

We do this every day, going outside for a short walk, I mean.

It’s a must, one of the many things he needs to do if he doesn’t want to develop painful pressure sores of lying in bed all day. But it’s not just that; I think Haruka likes it, if he’s even aware of the fact that we are outside, to be out of his bed for a while.

So I lift Haruka in his wheelchair, with help of a lifting device, and we leave for a walk.

Today, I roll him past where we used to walk every day when we went to school; with the ocean in the distance and towards the place we used to live. I walk past it, because I can’t get his wheelchair up the stairs and towards the empty house where he has lived for his entire life.

But I do stop at the beginning of the stairs, and I sit down on the steps facing him.

“Remember living here?” I ask, glancing at the stairs and houses behind me. “I sure do. I remember having to pick you up at your house for our walk to school, because you would be late otherwise. You were always bathing in the morning, I’m convinced you slept there.”

Those are good memories I have of this place, but the bad memories always come up as well. Like, the walk back home after hearing that my best friend would probably take a while to wake up from his vegetative state, and six months later, crying on these steps when I’d been told that my best friend would live the rest of his shortened life as a vegetable at some hospital.

I remember crying myself to sleep when the doctors said that it might be better to take Haruka off life-support, and waking up the next day to convince my parents that I would take care of him even if that meant I had to move out at the age of eighteen.

These are the memories that flood back into my mind every time I see these stairs; every time I go for a walk with Haruka, or I visit my parents, or go to Haruka’s old house to see if his parents still haven’t come home to see why their son hasn’t called in years.

These are the memories that lead to me taking care of my best friend, with an aching heart and overflowing feelings that I’ll always regret not telling Haruka earlier.


	2. Haruka might never ... again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka's nightroutine, followed by nightmares of what happened that awful day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same warnings as the previous chapter, I think

Just like every late afternoon, after giving Haruka his third meal of the day, I sit down beside his bed with the book I’m reading at that moment. And I’ll read Haruka from it, because the doctors told me that it might help him regain some brain function; though they’re almost certain Haruka’s not going to improve any more after four years of being in a PVS.

Today I’m reading him from “The Memory Book” by Lara Avery, which I’m reading for the second time now. I’ve taken a liking to the sappy medical stories, probably because I can relate to them in a strange way. Especially to Samantha’s parents in this book, because they slowly see their child being torn away from them by Niemann Pick type C. And at the same time, I’ve lost everything I loved of my best friend, in the short moment of ten minutes.

I open the book on the first page and glance at Haruka, who’s looking extremely tired as his eyes close briefly every once in a while. I smile when his ocean blue eyes meet mine for a moment, because my heart still manages to skip a beat whenever I feel like Haruka’s actually looking _at_ me; even though I know, behind those eyes, there’s no one home.

“If you’re reading this, you’re probably wondering who you are.” I start reading, in a slow and almost whispery voice. “I’ll give you three clues.”

Haruka’s mouth opens and closes as I read on. It’s almost as if he wants to talk, as if he wants to say something that’s one hundred percent Haruka-like, but he can’t. Because he doesn’t talk, or mumble, he just moves his lips and turns his head a little so the un-swallowed saliva runs out of his mouth and onto the pillow that’s laid down next to his head.

I wince, forcing myself to look back at the book and ignore the horrifying image of my twenty-one-year-old best friend drooling on himself as I’m reading him a bedtime story like he’s a baby.

“Clue three; you are still alive.” I pause, swallowing to try to get my throat to not feel so tight. “You are me, Samantha Agatha McCoy, in the not-so-distant future. I’m writing this for you.”

I catch myself off-guard, glancing up at Haruka again, to see him slowly starting to breathe slower as his eyes close for longer periods of time.

“They say my memory will never be the same.”

For some reason I love watching Haruka fall asleep more than anything. Maybe it’s because he’s like a little kid falling asleep during his bedtime story, only one page into the story. Or maybe it’s because it’s nice to see that he at least still has a wake-sleep cycle instead of being completely brain-dead.

“That I’ll start forgetting things. First a little, and then a lot.”

Haruka’s eyes have been closed for a long while now, almost two minutes which is long for him, and he’s breathing less quickly which means he’s probably falling asleep faster than usually.

“So, I’m writing to remember.” That’s the last sentence I read out loud before laying down the book, and making sure Haruka hasn’t wet himself in the moments that have passed and wiping the drool off his face so he can sleep without having a wet face.

When I’m certain Haruka’s asleep and well, I get my bag from the kitchen and start doing my work and eat dinner myself. It’s only six in the evening, so that’s still possible, there have been days that I started eating and doing work at twelve.

But today I’m in bed by eleven after checking on Haruka and setting an alarm for Haruka’s night-feeding at three in the morning and another alarm at six to get up for work. I fall asleep almost half an hour after curling up underneath the, too-thick-for-June, blankets.

_“He’s drowning!” My voice sounds hoarse from yelling by the time I get down from the bleachers._

_Haruka’s lying somewhere in that swimming pool, but my eyes are too filled up with tears to see him. He suddenly just gone under and stopped moving._

_A rescuer has made sure everyone stops swimming and he’s now underwater to get Haruka to the surface. Everyone’s staring at the place where Haruka went under, including Rin who’s standing in on almost the other side of the pool by now. He’s crying, just like I am._

_Just when I think we’ve lost Haruka, that he’s been under for too long, the rescuer and Haruka come to the surface of the water. Since he’s unconscious, they drag him to the side of the pool and onto the dry tiles._

_I don’t even feel my legs moving, but I’m standing next to Haruka within a few seconds. They’re not doing anything, nothing except yelling that he’s unconscious… and then, when one of them says, “I… his heart has stopped” I feel a sob escaping from my mouth as I push myself through the people surrounding Haruka’s unconscious body._

_My hands rest on his chest, immediately doing what I’ve been told to do when someone’s heart stops, while crying, “No! Don’t die on me, Haruka!” and “He’s my best friend!” until an ambulance arrives._

_I’m getting more anxious, but also angry as I’m watching them placing the defibrillators on my best friend’s chest and giving him shocks. Anxious, because nine minutes have gone by without Haruka’s heart beating. And angry, because the ambulance took nine minutes to arrive._

_A minute of trying and trying goes by and it seems to last an eternity before they get out a stretcher to carry him into the ambulance. He’s alive, or his heart is beating at least._

_I watch the ambulance leave and immediately turn to Nagisa, Rei and Rin to see if they’re thinking what I’m thinking. I’m not allowed to get into the ambulance, neither are any of our friends, but that doesn’t mean I’m not planning on waiting at the hospital until Haruka awakens._

_We do so, waiting in the hospital, for hours actually, before an anxious-looking doctor arrives._

_“I’m sorry, but where are his parents?” he asked first, without even caring to tell us about our best friend, about how he’s doing after nearly dying._

_We explain that Haruka’s parents aren’t really caring for him well, that he’s not living with them because of his dad’s work and such things. We have to, before the doctor finally tells us what’s going on._

_“He, your friend, probably had a cardiac arrest while swimming,” the doctor explains with a stern look on his face. “He’s alive, but I’m sorry to say that he’s in a Vegetative State. It’s a miracle he survived ten minutes without proper care, though. We should be happy he’s alive.”_

_I feel myself grimace and I hear both Rin and Nagisa sobbing beside me. Rei’s crying silently as well, but not me… I’m just scared and that’s all I can feel right now. That fear gets even worse when I hear myself ask whether Haruka’s ever going to wake up again, like fully._

_And I feel my heart skip a glad beat when the doctor says, “Maybe, there’s a change he will since he’s still rather young and he’s a fit and healthy human.” But the fear settles in again when he adds, “But even if your friend wakes up, there’s a change he might never swim again… ever.”_

The blaring of my alarm echoes through the room, waking me up. I’m completely soaked from sweating and my heart is racing.

I take my hand through my wet hair and reach underneath my pillow to stop my phone from singing out an annoying song to wake me up from my not-so-peaceful-dreams. I take a short moment to catch my breath, because every night I relive that awful memory, knowing the continuation of it, and it scares me to death every time.

I throw the blankets off myself and shuffle to the room that’s besides mine, Haruka’s room. I whisper to let him know that I’m coming in, and after that I go inside to get him ready for his night-feeding.

Haruka seems to be started by the sound of the door opening, or my alarm that went off a while ago, because his eyes are open wide and he’s breathing rapidly as his eyes dart around the room.

“It’s just me,” I whisper, walking towards him and carefully placing my hand on his cheek. “It’s just me, no need to be scared… I’m here.”

My fingers slowly move over Haruka’s smooth skin until he starts to breathe slower and goes back to his calm, emotionless self again. My eyes are still glaring at his face, even now I know he’s calmed down a little, and when his eyes gaze past me and his mouth falls open again I feel my chest tightening.

It’s so different from what it used to be, Haruka’s face I mean, ever since the accident it’s as if everything about Haruka is gone; the way he used to always have a serious face, even when I could tell he was extremely happy, and the way he’d only show emotion through glancing away and blushing when you called him out on things that didn’t make sense.

But ever after I walked into that room, hours after it happened, I haven’t seen Haruka glancing away and blushing ever again. All I’ve seen since then were gazes that went right through me, and droopy eyes that either barely moved or darted around the room, and a wet chin and neck and lips from keeping his mouth open for too long.

I remember my friends crying, when we were allowed in Haruka’s room. And I remember not crying myself, just my throat tightening and my chest aching while I stood in the doorway and glared at Haruka’s barely conscious body from across the room in fear.

I’m feeling that fear again, at this very moment, since I had that dream again; I relived that memory of that day again. And every time that happens it’s followed by everything that happened afterwards.

I close my eyes and walk away from Haruka’s bed, he moans when my hand parts ways with his cheek, and I get a syringe, feeding tube and Haruka’s formula after washing my hands.

When I get back to the bed, I get started. Getting the blankets off Haruka and carefully taking off his oversized t-shirt so I can reach the G-tube in his stomach always scares me a little. It’s because, when I do that I see how scrawny Haruka’s gotten underneath all those baggy clothes.

I remember when they told me that Haruka might never swim again, it was the first awful thing that we were told Haruka might never be able to do again. And he never did, he never trained or swam again, and the clear proof of that is Haruka’s decreased muscles, he barely has any left.

I grimace when I see his ribs showing through his pale skin, just like I do every time I see Haruka shirtless lately, because every day he seems to be getting thinner and less muscular. But I still bite through the pain, because I have to, and start his feeding session.

Memories of sitting beside Haruka’s bed at the hospital, every day, come flooding back to me as I take a seat on a crutch next to Haruka’s bed now. The news seemed to be getting worse every day I got there. The doctors started off by telling me that Haruka might never be able to do his favorite thing in life ever again, but a few days later that had quickly turned into a doctor having to come up to me and say, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I don’t think that _if_ your friend is to wake up he’s going to be able to move. I’m not even sure he might ever be able to do anything with his body again.”

This was painful back then, and it still is since the news got even worse every time I got there.

I’ve been told many things after the news that Haruka’d probably lose all control over his body and they went from “Haruka might never talk again” to “Haruka might never be able to communicate in any other way again” and “Haruka might never eat without help again”. These were soon followed by even more painful things like “Haruka might never smile again”, “Haruka might never show any actual facial emotions again” and “Haruka might never swallow again” and “Haruka might never be able to do anything without help”… the saddest thing that again and again they were right and every time Haruka started losing more functions.

Now, I have to basically help him with everything; I help him eating, cleaning himself and his teeth, changing into fresh clothing… I change his diapers and his bedding and comb his hair and the worst thing is that he probably isn’t even aware of that.

And just half a year ago, I was at the hospital for Haruka’s weekly check-up, and the doctor officially told me that they’ve lost all hope that Haruka’s ever going to regain full consciousness again. He sat down with me and Haruka, in his office after the check-up, and he said, “Makoto, I really want to apologize for saying this, but I don’t think Haruka’s going to be able to come out of his Persistent Vegetative State.”

I remember the way my chest tightened, because in over three years they’d told me many things, but never had they said that he wasn’t going to come back from this. Apparently the tests they did that day proofed that Haruka was closer to brain dead than ever, he had some brain activity going on but not enough to get him to regain full consciousness, which meant hope was as good as lost.

“And, Makoto,” the doctor continued. “I really think it’s better, for both of you, if you completely take Haruka off life support from now on, or let him be euthanized.”

I close my eyes, carefully squirting the formula into Haruka’s body through a tube, as I remember my reaction to that offer. Of course, I said, “No, he’s my best friend.”

“Look, I get that, belief me,” the doctor had said and he gestured at Haruka before continuing. “But is this really what you want for your best friend? To live like this unaware, functionless, salivating vessel that needs help with everything except existing and breathing, for another year, maybe even two or four, hell maybe even ten more years.”

I remember looking at Haruka knowing the doctor was right about him; Haruka was strapped up in a wheelchair and was so unable to do anything that even his head had to be buckled up and pressed in-between two head cushions so he wouldn’t give himself whiplash. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, at that exact moment he rolled his eyes almost all the way into the back of his head while moaning and drooling and he looked terrible indeed. But still, I shook my head and I told the doctor to stop giving me that offer. “Look, it’s my job to keep Haruka alive and take care of him, even if that’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, I have to. So I can’t just go around saying ‘yeah sure’ to offers like this, never.”

And you know what the doctor asked? He asked if I was happy living this way, having to take care of Haruka and knowing I was keeping him alive without a purpose other than stating that it was my job.

I don’t remember hesitating at that moment, I just told him that I didn’t especially like it and of course this wasn’t the life I’d pictured for myself, or for Haruka, but I also told him that I’d feel even more miserable if Haruka would die after I’d taken care of him for so long.

Of course, there have been moments that I wished for Haruka to have died that day, when the accident happened, because I would be able to mourn instead of having to wake up every day to see that my best friend isn’t who he used to be and knowing he will never be that person again. Of course, I did… but I wouldn’t forgive myself if I’d agree that dying would be better for Haruka after I’d dedicated my life to caring for the person I love the most in the entire universe.

So, that’s why I’m now sitting here; grimacing while feeding my best friend at three in the morning, half a year after I was offered to get rid of my heartaches and busy, painful days. And I’m sitting here in sadness and fear and I’m exhausted, but I’m also taking care of Haruka without regret… because I love him, and that’s all the motivation I need to keep going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Haruka's birthday... and are those signs of Haruka coming out of his PVS???
> 
> ...
> 
> Maybe?


	3. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka Birthday... and are those signs of Haruka regaining consciousness?
> 
> ...
> 
> Maybe???

This day, today, I tend to dread for months… because if something’s painful, it’s having to celebrate a birthday of someone who’s barely even there. And today’s that day, Haruka’s twenty-second birthday… yay.

I walk into Haruka’s room at eight in the morning, today’s one of those few days I don’t attend work and spend the entire with Haruka alone, and say, “Happy birthday, Haruka.” I walk to the chair beside his bed and sit down, taking his hand in mine, strangely his fingers move slightly at my touch. It’s something that’s never happened before, Haruka’s mainly unresponsive to my touch, but I also thought it might be a sign of Haruka finally gaining consciousness again when he started moaning and even screaming all of a sudden, one day about a year ago.

Apparently those kinds of things, according to doctors, aren’t any signs of awareness but that they’re just little things shooting through his brain and that they’re merely reflexes that go on without any awareness being there.

So, to stop giving myself false hope, I tell myself that this is another one of those reflexes. And so it appears when I move my gaze from Haruka’s hand to his face and see that he’s looking like ever; just gazing around the room with his mouth opened.

“I hope you’re doing well today,” I continue, forcing myself to smile even though I’m still disappointed and sad that this change in Haruka’s responses doesn’t seem to be anything life changing. “I was thinking, uhm, maybe I could give you a bed bath and put on some fresh clothes after breakfast and we could go for a longer trip today? Yeah?”

I feel my chest contracting when I get a moan in response, but I still get up from the chair to prepare everything for Haruka’s breakfast and bed bath.

As I sqeeuze the formula into Haruka’s stomach via the G-tube, I talk to him about random things. Just things I would to talk about when Haruka and I were seventeen; I tell him about Ren and Ran, whom I’ve spoken to on the phone yesterday evening, and I tell him about how we spend his previous birthdays at the pool almost every year.

When I’m done feeding him, I take the blankets off him completely since I have to clean Haruka’s completely body and that serves as an opportunity to immediately refresh his bedding.

“Ready for your bath?” I ask, trying to sound enthusiastic as I hold a bucket of warm water in the air so Haruka can, possibly, see it. “I remember you used to love taking them… always bathing, you.”

Without much of a response, other than another moan, I wash and dry Haruka’s face and hair before undressing his upper body.

For the first time in a while, I find myself smiling a little when I’m turning Haruka in different positions and cleaning every part of his chest and back and arms with the soaked towel before drying them off immediately after so Haruka won’t get cold.

I reach out for the hoodie I chose for Haruka’s outfit today and lift Haruka forward until his head in resting against my chest. While carefully sliding the hoodie onto Haruka, I feel a wet spot developing on my shoulder, where Haruka’s head is resting against me.

Thinking it’s just saliva, or maybe vomit which happened for the first time yesterday, I quickly make sure Haruka’s hoodie is on correctly and then let him lower back so I can see what’s going on.

I’m surprised when I see Haruka’s face, comepletely red and wet, some of the wetness is sure to come from drooling but he’s also clearly crying. Crying is a normal thing for PVS patients, or so I’ve been told, but Haruka has never cried before and right now he’s full on crying.

“Wow, Haruka,” I mumble, laying Haruka back down on his pillow. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s totally fine, did I hurt you?”

My hands are now wiping away Haruka’s tears, but new ones keep coming. Knowing crying isn’t normal for Haruka, even in this state, I’m worried; what if I hurt his back or this is a sign that he’s drifting away even more?

Feeling myself starting to breathe less calmly, I also catch myself wiping away the tears more often now, talking to Haruka as if he’s a little kid and telling him there’s no need to cry and everything’s okay, while I don’t belief it myself. I really don’t, and I want to call the hospital so they can tell me what’s going on, but I can’t since I’m in the middle of cleaning Haruka and he’s going to get cold and he’s crying and therefor I have to stay by his side to see if breathing won’t get harder.

“Hey, it’s really… it’s okay,” I continue to repeat over the course of a couple of minutes, before Haruka finally stops crying so hard. “See? Everything’s okay.”

I wipe away the last tears and wash his face again, just to make sure there’s no leftover drool and tears on his face, before I wash the lower part of his body, change his diaper and put sweatpants on him so he won’t get cold as I call the hospital.

I find myself pacing up and down Haruka’s room, my ear pressed up against the phone. It takes a while before a woman’s voice sounds on the other side of the phone, saying, “Good morning, this is Iwatobi Hospital, you’re speaking to Chiyu. How can I help you?”

I bite my lip before I blurt out, “Yes, my friend is in a permanent vegetative state and… uh for four years… and he, he –“ my voice trails away when my gaze meets Haruka’s. His blue eyes are staring straight at me. Not just gazing past me, they’re fixated on me.

Staring. At. Me.

I gasp and for the first times in years I feel my eyes tearing up; Haruka hasn’t looked _at_ me for years, not longer for a fracture of a second. Just a gaze past me, sure, but not in a way that his perfectly blue eyes meet mine and stay there for, I’m counting, a minute.

“Sir?” A voice startles me. “Sir, are you still there?”

I notice the phone is my hand and tell the receptionist “yes” without breaking eyecontact with Haruka. His eyes are huge and his mouth is opened in a surprisingly normal way – without his chin tilting to the side unnaturally.

“You said something about your friend, in a permanent vegetative state?” she repeats, reminding me of what I called for. “What about that?”

Haruka’s eyes drift away again, moving back into an uninteligent gaze across the room. I blink twice before starting to explain everything; Haruka’s vomiting yesterday, the massive amount of moaning in the past couple of days, the finger contraction when I held his hand and the crying and the actual stare today.

“Okay, so you said your friend has been in a permanent vegetative state for how long, again?”

“Four years,” I answer. “Is, uhm, is it possible that he’s… I don’t know… coming out of it?” I barely have the guts to ask it, to give me the false hope of it being signs for real, but I have to know.

There’s silent inaudible mumble on the other side of the phone, almost like a underpressed sigh, before the receptionist says, “Well, I honestly don’t know. But what if I’ll put you through to the doctor that usually sees your friend? He might know how to help you.”

I nod, and knowing that she can’t see me, I also tell her “yes, please”. She asks me for the doctor’s name, which I don’t have since we’ve been seeing multiple neurologists, and she also asks Haruka’s name and birthdate, as well as mine.

“Thank you,” she says. “I’ll put you through to doctor Aimoto. And congratulations with your friend’s birthday, by the way.”

I thank her and after that I wait for doctor Aimoto to pick up the phone. He does so, a little later, and I explain everything I explained to the receptionist just now.

“Okay, Makoto, calm down… take a breath, okay?” Aimoto’s voice sounds on the other side of the phone. “I want you to breathe before I answer your question, alright?”

I take a deep breath and walk to the chair that’s placed beside Haruka’s bed. I take his hand in mine as I wait for Aimoto to answer the question about this possibly being signs of Haruka actually waking up. When my hand sits in Haruka’s, I feel him doing it again, his grib tightens for just a second before going limp again, but it’s still more response than last time.

“So, Makoto,” Aimoto begins. “I get where your hopes are coming from, but there can be many explinations for this. I mean, it could be anything from minor reflexes to literally anything else.”

I nod and nod over and over again as Aimoto talks.

“I don’t want you to get your hopes up.” He pauses, I can hear a sigh before he carefully adds, “But there is a chance, a _tiny_ possibility, that these _are_ signs of him entering a minimally conscious state, which _could_ be the road to recovery.”

My heart skips a beat and my lips move into a smile, a cautious one, but it’s a smile.

“Now, Haruka’s been in a vegetative state for so long, the chances of this actually being signs of him regaining conciousness are miniscule,” he repeats. “Still, I want you to do something for me, since I’m not able to let you come by for a check-up until Wednesday, so what you need to do is write down all the things he does that might be signs of him moving into MCS _and_ see if you can get him to follow some simple orders like ‘squeeze my hand’, ‘can you look at me’ and maybe you can even try to get him to say his name.”

I glance at Haruka, who’s falling asleep right now, and I feel my smile getting bigger. Just the feeling of hearing a doctor actually listing things that I can keep track of, that might actually happen, it feels great and it feels like a huge improvement to not hear “No, Makoto, he’s never going to stop being a vegetable. Stop hoping for recovery”.

“I also need you to write down how many times you asked him questions and what response you got to them if he gave one, can you do that for me?” he asks.

“Yes, yes. Thank you!” My voice is louder than I intended and it startles Haruka so much that his eyes shoot open again after his entire body shook heavily. “I will do that.”

There’s a deep breath on the other side of the line, followed by Aimoto saying, “What did I tell you about getting your hopes up… We might be able to see if there’s actual improvement when I run him through some tests. Is it possible for you to come by on Wednesday?”

I nod. “Yes, of course, what time?”

“I should have time for Haruka around four, so if you can stop by, I’ll gladly take a look at how he’s doing,” Aimoto reassures me.

I thank him another ten times before putting down the phone. And when I look at Haruka, he doesn’t look back at me this time, but I can still feel this all-pain-numbing-hope racing through my body, and… god… I’m just whishing it’s not false hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Haruka has a doctor's appointment! Will we finally find out if he's actually regaining consciousness, or is that plainly impossible?


	4. MCS, here we come???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will we finally find out if Haruka has reached a minimally conscious state? Of is that plainly impossible?

“Okay, Haruka,” I say, leaning closer while I snap in my fingers to get Haruka’s attention. “I’m going to take your hand in mine and I want you to squeeze it. Okay?”

There’s no response, because even though I’ve been giving Haruka tasks like “say your name” he cannot talk, I think. But I still take his hand in mine, because the squeezing task has worked better every time, and when I feel his skin against mine, I repeat, “Squeeze my hand, Haruka.”

It takes a moment, but I can eventually feel his grip tightening and he’s really trying his best to squeeze mine. I can see it in his drifting eyes, the mildly present determination to show me that he can understand me and he can do what I ask him.

“Good job,” I reply, feeling myself smile.

Haruka’s grip loosens again and his mouth falls open when his gaze moves in my direction. I hope he can see how proud I am, I hope seeing my smile is enough for him to continue trying.

It’s been a couple of days since he started showing the first signs that he might be moving from his vegetative state into a minimally conscious state. And after today’s appointment with Aimoto, we’ll know more, but I’m positive that Haruka has regained some consciousness in the past days.

He’s followed up some tasks I gave him, other than that he’s looked straight at me or followed me around the room with his eyes a few times. He’s moved his entire head one time towards the bucket of water when I was cleaning him in the morning, and I saw his fingers reaching in its direction as well, which caused me to burst out in laughing.

When I saw him reaching for the bucket with water, I remember saying, “Yeah, of course you want to get to the water. That’s just you, am I right?” This lead to another one of the new things he does, which I think is adorable since he didn’t even do that before all of this; when I say something funny he sometimes laughs, like full on chuckling.

He’s also shown some, possible, form of communication; sometimes when I ask him a question he moans and moves his mouth, as if he is trying to answer even though he can’t talk.

He’s also got into a new habit that is a little sadder, sometimes when I put on his clothing or feed him or do anything to help him at all, he starts crying. Not always, but when he does, he tends to cry for quite a while.

And in an hour, I am going to find out whether it’s actually true that Haruka’s moving into a MCS.

“That was today’s last task at home,” I say, getting up from the chair. “Because I need to get you ready for your appointment today.”

Haruka moans lightly as I ask him whether he’s ready to find out if we can actually start heading on his way to recovery. I take it as agreement, and I’m ready for it too.

I wash off him face and hands another time, and I comb his hair, before lifting him into his wheelchair and buckling him up for our trip today.

. . .

“Haruka Nanase, and Makoto Tachibana, you can come with me.” Aimoto’s voice echoes through the waiting room and I feel myself releasing a sigh of relief.

We’ve been waiting for over thirty minutes and there’s been a small kid staring at Haruka for the entire time. I don’t know if Haruka’s conscious-ish but if he is, it might be really offensive when a nine-year-old is glaring at you in fear and disgust.

I get up from my seat and roll Haruka towards the hallway, following Aimoto to his office. It’s not far before we reach one the many doctor’s offices I’ve spend hours in, waiting for results to come and for another heartbreaking to be fired at me. But not today, or so I hope, because Haruka seems to be doing better than I’ve seen him doing in the past four years.

“Take a seat,” Aimoto says, with a short bow before he walks to the other side of his desk.

I take a seat after placing Haruka where another chair would normally stand. I check if he’s sitting well before I sit down myself and focus my gaze onto Aimoto.

“Well, to start off,” Aimoto begins. “How has Haruka been doing?”

I smile and tell him all about the massive improvement Haruka has made in the past days; that he shows emotions and he can follow up some simple orders.

Aimoto seems rather impressed when I tell him this and he interested leans on his hands. “Okay, that’s… good, I think, great even. Can you show me?”

I nod and turn to Haruka, who not intelligently gazes at the ceiling. I lay my hand on his and calmly say, “Hey, Haruka. Can you squeeze my hand?”

He doesn’t follow immediately, but his gaze moves a little more in my direction. He also grunts when I repeat the task, after muttering he does squeeze my hand. I look at Aimoto, who’s clearly seeing the color change of my hand around the area where Haruka squeezes, and smile.

“That’s good, well, I think I’m just going to take him to the other room and do some tests and take some scans,” he says, readjusting his glasses. “But I think you might be right, Haruka does seem to be doing much better than last time I saw him.”

I nod, still grinning like an idiot.

“Okay, well, I’ll take him with me if you, _both_ , don’t mind?”

I tell Aimoto he can take Haruka, but Aimoto doesn’t leave with Haruka right away. Instead he looks at Haruka and snaps in his fingers before reaching out his hand, laying it in Haruka’s and asking, “Haruka, can you squeeze me if you’re okay with coming with me.”

Apparently Haruka squeezed him, because not much later they leave the room. And I leave the hospital, since this might take a while, so I get some me-time; I go to the hairdresser, since I haven’t cut my hair in a long while, and I go to a diner to get some food before going back to the hospital.

Just when I walk through the doors of the hospital entrance, with a full stomach and a new haircut, I get called by Aimoto.

"Haruka's back at the office as I'm going to see if I can get some clear results," he explains. "I think it might be comfortable for Haruka if you'd give him some company as he's waiting, are you able to get back?" I tell him that I'm already on my way in and that I'll join Haruka on the office in a moment.

And so I do, not more than a few minutes later I'm standing in front of the little office that belongs to Aimoto. I knock on the door and say, "I'm coming in, okay?"

There's no immediate reply, so I guess Aimoto's not in there with Haruka anymore.

I open the door and immediately see Haruka seated in his wheelchair in the middle of the room. His eyes are staring right at me now and tears are running over his cheeks.

My heart skips a beat just before my instincts take over and I rush towards Haruka to calm him down.

"Shhuuhhhh," I whisper, wiping Haruka's tears and pulling him against me and tousling his hair. "Everything's okay, shhhhh, please don't cry."And I sit there, on my knees on the ground, trying to get Haruka to stop crying... until the door behind us opens and Aimoto walks in.

"Makoto? What's going on?" Aimoto asks, surprised at the way Haruka's sobbing into my chest now.

"I don't know, I knocked on the door and I guess maybe I startled him... he just started crying," I explain, before leaning Haruka back into the head pillow of his wheelchair.

When I look at Haruka, his gaze is focused on Aimoto, but I catch his attention by saying, "It's okay, Haruka, okay?"

He looks at me, makes an inaudible sound and I take that as a sign that he allows me to stop hugging him and listen to what Aimoto has to tell us, whether Haruka's having a chance to recover.

"So, any clear results?" I ask while getting on my feet and tapping the dust off my jeans.

Aimoto smiles wide and nods. "Very clear results, he's clearly moved into MCS, which means we can start getting Haruka into a recovery schedule from now on."

My cheeks feel extremely warm and I can't help but let out a relieved chuckle before smiling wider than I've done, ever.

He explains me that Haruka responded so well to everything, that it's a miracle he's gotten himself from a PVS to a MCS. Aimoto's face grows more serious as he says, "But, since he's been in a vegetative state for such a long time, there's a possibility that he'll stay like this or only improve a little before it coming to a halt. I need you to understand that, do you?"

I nod again, glancing at Haruka beside me and smiling again. He's actually looking at me, and he can sometimes respond to things, and it may not be through verbal communication but he can hear me, he can see me and is aware of things.

"I know." My smile grows wider, still.

"But still, Makoto." Aimoto pauses, taking time to look at Haruka. "Haruka, I promise to try my very best to help you recover from this."

I nod gladly and tilt my head and close my eyes and smile. Because even if he's to stay in a MCS, and he might never communicate through talking, or move freely, or do anything without help... I've taken care of him for four years in a terrible, barely conscious state, and all those years I would've murdered to have had him in a somewhat more conscious state instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Haruka gets a visit from our lovely fellow Free! boys :)


	5. Iwatobi Swim Club Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our fellow Free! boys pay Haruka a visit :)

An entire week has gone by since I, we, got the news that Haruka could start his recovery process.

He's made a lot of improvement since then, so much even that Aimoto is very impressed with Haruka's recovery pace. Most people that have been in a permanent vegetative state for more than a year won't either not wake up at all, or have a really slow recovery pace if they even get some improvement after slipping into the minimally conscious state.

Haruka, though, seems to be doing well. Every morning I have to go through a list with all sorts of tasks, and I've been able to communicate with him a little. No talking yet, sadly, but he can use nodding and shaking of his head to answer yes-or-no questions. He also sometimes communicates by blinking once for yes and twice for no, same with squeezing my hand.

What's one of the other best things about Haruka being more conscious now, is that he learned to swallow again. At least, he can when he's not extremely sad or mad, which means he isn't drooling on himself all the time anymore.

He's doing so well, they even removed his trach, which mean he can start doing speech therapy when the wound in his neck has fully healed. And honestly, I can't wait for that, because I cannot wait to hear his voice after so long of only hearing some moans and mumbles.

And as for today, we’ve got a busy schedule.

Haruka's at the hospital for therapy right now, they're trying to teach him to move his arms and hands freely again, but that's still a work in process, seeing he has only been able to move his fingers so far. And he’s also learning to keep his head upright without needing support, same goes for sitting upright. They’re trying, but they’re also taking it slow, that’s why we’ve chosen to do therapy only a couple of hours a day, that way Haruka can spend most time at home just like usually.

And, this afternoon, when Haruka gets back from therapy he has about two hours to rest and sleep a little and I can feed him, such things. Because later today our old friends from high school have decided to come by.

They did that often when Haruka had just had the accident, but it gradually became too much to handle for them to see Haruka like that. But when I actually knew that Haruka started going in the right direction right now, I texted them and they were thrilled to see with their own eyes that Haruka was doing better after such a long time.

I think Haruka would also like it to see them, but it’s a surprise so I haven’t told him yet.

I, myself, have been preparing for Nagisa, Rei and Rin’s visit for hours. From the minute I got home after dropping Haruka off at the hospital, I started preparing; setting down chairs by Haruka’s bed and dragging a table to his room so I could offer them something to eat while they’re here.

I even went to the store to get sweets and coffee and cookies to give them.

And now, when I’ve finally sitting in the car and driving to the hospital to pick up Haruka, I’m getting a little nervous about seeing all of them again. I haven’t spoken to Rei and Nagisa for, two years, I think, they just eventually stopped coming by to visit Haruka and I stopped swimming as soon as I got the chance to leave the swim club.

And three years… that’s how long I haven’t seen Rin, because he felt so bad every time he visited Haruka at the hospital. That is because his last words to Haruka were something like, “Everyone else is background noise, this is strictly between you and me… and I will relish destroying you.” He regretted saying that so much, because somewhere deep down he relished the underlying friendship he had with Haruka, underneath their rivalry, I mean. And he destroyed Haruka, big time, but now he never got the chance to apologies. Up to today, at least.

I drive Haruka home from the hospital, and in the car I talk to him a lot, but not about the guys’ visit this afternoon. I want Haruka to be able to rest a little before they come by.

So I get Haruka from the back of the special van, and roll him over the driveway and into the house.

“Are you tired?” I ask, while rolling him into his room. “I bet you’re tired after so much training. But then again, you used to be able to train for hours and not be tired when you were younger, right?”

I catch myself chuckling, but I just do that because I’m extremely nervous about Nagisa, Rei and Rin’s visit. What if they think Haruka’s completely the old one again, or they haven’t seen each other in so long that they start to fight about things.

I lift Haruka into his bed and feed him, so he’s ready for a nap. But by the time Haruka’s sleeping, I find myself getting even more nervous about their visit. I don’t even know why I’m worried, nothing can happen, they wouldn’t fight in front of Haruka… Nagisa and Rei wouldn’t ever fight to begin, though. But, no matter how nervous and worried I am, time passes quickly and within no time I have to wake Haruka up because they can arrive any second now.

I walk into Haruka’s room, he’s sleeping so calmly I almost feel bad waking him up now. When I reach the edge of his bed, I lay my hand on his shoulder and shake him lightly while repeating, “Hey, Haruka, time to wake up” until his eyes slowly open.

He moans when his eyes meet mine and I finally stop shaking him. He looks confused, so I say, “Sorry, I know you haven’t slept that much. But there’s a surprise for you.”

Haruka grunts and blinks a few times, I don’t know if he understands what I mean, so I add, “Uhm, Rin, Nagisa and Rei are stopping by this afternoon.”

Haruka glares at me and his eyes are already filled to the brim with tears.

Haruka’s almost crying when I hear a knock on my front door. Stand up straight, but before I go I lay my hand on his head and whisper, “No need to cry, really, no need… okay?”

I open the door and see that everyone’s there, maybe they still had contact with each other and got here together. Everyone’s there; Nagisa, Rei, Rin and even Gou decided to tag along.

“Mako!” Nagisa says, smiling wide as ever even though his eyes seem a little puffy, probably from crying. He immediately goes in for a hug, without asking if I mind.

“Hey, guys,” I mumble, my voice muffled by Nagisa’s shoulder. “I really missed you.”

“We missed you too, Makoto,” Rei says, straightening his glasses, which are new ones, I notice, navy blue like his hair. “It’s a pleasure to see you after such a long while.”

“Yeah, right!” Nagisa happily shrieks, slowly letting go of me and stepping back.

“Wow, how have you managed to get even taller,” Gou’s voice sounds from behind Rei and Nagisa.

I chuckle awkwardly, because she’s right, I grew a few centimeters since last time I saw her and she only reaches to my chest. It’s almost as if she shrunk, but I don’t tell her that.

Rin’s hiding behind them, leaning against the wall with his face turned to the ground.

“Nice to see you too, Rin,” I say.

Rin looks up and I see his cheeks and nose and eyes are red, but right now he seems to be trying his best not to cry. He hasn’t even seen Haruka yet, but I think they’re both bound to cry when they see each other. At least, I’m sure Haruka missed Rin too… A lot, actually.

“Yeah,” Rin mumbles, sounding rather uncomfortable. “Same here, Makoto.”

I smile and step aside asking my high school friends to come inside. They do as I ask, taking off their shoes before following me to Haruka’s room. I closed the door so, before we go inside, I can remind them that Haruka’s not able to talk or really communicate but is certainly more conscious and is doing much better than last time they saw him.

After telling them that, I slide open the door and lead them into Haruka’s room. While I walk all the way to the other side of the table and sit down next to Haruka’s bed, expecting them to take place around the table, my high school friends stand in the doorway. It’s an uncomfortable mood, since they’re all staring at Haruka.

Haruka’s staring right back at them, and I soon notice not only Haruka, but everyone’s crying. Rin and Haruka, more than Nagisa, Rei and Gou, but everyone, except me, are in tears.

“Hey, it’s okay,” I say, waving my hands in a way that I hope will calm everyone down. “There’s no need to cry. Really.”

Nagisa’s sobs echo through the room and after sniffling loudly he says, “Mako, we’re just happy. We’re happy to see Haru again.”

Nagisa turns around to Rei, who’s taken his glasses off and is now wiping away his tears, and gives Rei a tight hug. “Right, Rei, we’re happy to see Haru?”

Rei nods and reassures me they’re not sad to see him, that they were happier than ever when they got the text that Haruka was doing better than he had been doing in the past couple of days.

I didn’t realize they still cared so much, since they all just stopped visiting Haruka. I thought they thought the hurt seeing Haruka carried with it wasn’t worth it, so they stopped caring.

But even when they’ve all stopped crying, I can see in their eyes that they actually cared all that time. Especially Rin, who’s still avoiding eye contact with Haruka against the end of the afternoon, because every time Haruka’s eyes meet Rin’s they both almost start crying.

“But, yeah, so that’s when Rei told me that he liked me,” Nagisa says, continuing a story about how Rei confessed his love for Nagisa after they lost their last high school swimming competition.

Rei shakes his head and, with his cheeks completely flushed, he says, “That’s not how it went, Nagisa. You basically forced the words out of me, because you were in tears and I was afraid you’d never stop crying. Okay?”

Nagisa chuckles. “Don’t spoil it, Rei!”

Haruka suddenly snickers really loudly too, catching everyone’s attention. At first everyone, including me, is shocked at Haruka’s laugh; soft and giggly, but extremely adorable since laughing makes his eyes close and his cheeks go slightly pink. But after a second, Haruka’s first, loud chuckles since forever cause everyone to burst into laughter too.

The rest of the afternoon goes by even quicker than expected, and it was much less uncomfortable than when we’d just started. Right after Nagisa and Rei go home, Gou decides she should be heading home too since she’s having guests over tonight.

“You’re also coming over, right, Rin?” Gou asks when she’s getting ready to go. “Sousuke’s coming over, I bet he would like to see you too after such a long time.”

Rin nods, telling her he’ll see her at the house where he used to live when he’s done here.

After that Gou leaves, and it’s just the three of us. When I come back to Haruka’s room, I see that Rin’s sitting on his knees next to Haruka’s bed.

Seeing the grim look on Haruka’s face, I decide not to walk inside and give Rin some alone time with Haruka. I guess that’s just what he’s longed for for, at least, four years, maybe even longer.

“I’m sorry, Haru.” Rin’s voice is soft and I can hear that he’s holding back tears. “I’m sorry that I did so awful to you, I just… I don’t know, I think I liked the rivalry between us so much, I couldn’t stop making you mad before competitions, just so we both had something to swim for.”

I close my eyes and listen to Rin telling Haruka how furious he was with himself about the last time they spoke, about what he said and the way it all went. That he thought it was karma, or something, coming for him after what he said to Haruka.

“It was like it wanted to show me that what I’d said, I don’t know.” He starts sobbing. “As if it was my fault that you nearly died back there. And I’m sorry, Haru.”

I take a deep breath before walking inside. I startle Rin, but don’t feel bad about it since there’s something I need to do; I lay my hand on Rin’s shoulder and squeeze it.

“Look, Rin,” I begin, glancing from Rin, to Haruka and back. “I think you should blame yourself… the doctors said that it was a natural occurrence of a cardiac arrest, you know that. Why are you still blaming yourself?”

Rin’s eyes start to well up with tears again when he turns around to me.

“There’s nothing you could’ve done to stop it from happening,” I reassure him. “And there’s also no way it happened because of something you said. And belief me when I tell you that I also used to beat myself up for what happened, I think all of us have done that… some of us still do. But it’s not my fault, not yours either, Rin… and I’m pretty sure Haruka agrees.”

Rin glances at Haruka, who’s crying, just like Rin and just like me.

I wrap my hand around Rin’s wrist, it’s shaking and I can feel his pulse rapidly racing though his skin, and I place Rin’s arm onto Haruka’s lap.

“W-what are you doing?” Rin stammers, even more confused when I lay Haruka’s hand on Rin’s.

I smile through my tears and say, “Hush, just watch” before turning to Haruka. He looks less confused, probably because he knows what I’m going to ask of him.

“Haruka,” I say. “If you don’t blame Rin, or any of us, about what happened, squeeze his arm.”

For the first time in forever, Haruka acts immediately; squeezing Rin’s arm until his skin has turned red to make it clear. When he lets go, Haruka sobs as he watches Rin lightly touching the red mark on his arm where Haruka squeezed him.

“See,” I say, laying my hand back on Rin’s shoulder. “He might not be able to tell you by using words, yet, but that doesn’t mean he can’t make it very clear he does _not_ blame you or me or any of us.”

I feel myself smiling, and when I do, there’s also a slight smile present on Rin’s face.

“So, now that you know that, we can all stop blaming ourselves about what happened so we can focus on having a brighter future.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authorsnote:
> 
> Hey there,   
> I've been working on this chapter THREE damn days! I suck at having more than two or three characters in a scene, so I'm sorry if you don't like this chapter as much as the others... I just finished this chapter, and I'll try to get chapter 6 done tomorrow... I can't promise I'll be able to post it tomorrow, though, since I still have to start writing chapter 6.
> 
> Love, Noa <3
> 
> Next Chapter:   
> Oh, damn! Are those... Haruka's first words since the accident!


	6. First Words Always Make Someone Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are those Haruka's first words, after four years of silence, I hear???

I just woke up to the blaring music that’s named my alarm. It’s seven in the morning and it’s honestly been a while since I woke up this early. But today, Haruka has an appointment at the hospital.

I yawn as I shuffle towards Haruka’s room.

Weeks have gone by and so much has changed, including my schedule; I don’t have to get up at three in the morning anymore, because Haruka’s finally mostly conscious and able to eat somewhat solid food again. This means I don’t have give him his formula consisting of nutrients four times a day, but only two, since he gets most of his nutrients from the smoothies, pudding and oatmeal.

After a couple of weeks filled with therapy, Haruka can now move his hands freely, sit upright and lift his arms a little. He hasn’t spoken yet, but the doctors say they think he’s as conscious as he can be so if he’s still able to talk he will speak sometime soon, and Haruka still has to start therapy so he can learn to walk again. He also still needs help dressing and getting the food to his mouth, so I still have to get up early in the morning.

I knock on the door before entering en when I do, I say, “Good morning, Haruka. How are you doing today? Had a nice sleep?” while walking into the room and preparing things for his breakfast.

“S-st-stop.”

I almost drop the oatmeal when I hear it; a hoarse voice coming from Haruka’s bed. I turn around, heart pounding, and see Haruka staring at me. His eyebrows are a little furrowed, but his eyes are filled with a sparkling happiness when he closes his mouth and presses it into a firm line.

I put down the oatmeal and ask, “Did you just… speak?”

I wonder if I’m just imagining things, or Haruka just actually spoke to me.

Haruka blinks a few times before nodding. His mouth opens again, and I can see completely concentration on his face when he says, “S-stop... Ca-c-calling me… H-ha-haru-ka.”

A smile tucks at the corners of my mouth and I can’t help laughing at Haruka wasting his first words in four years on something so predictable. When the chuckles leave my mouth, I catch Haruka blushing while glancing away.

“I’m sorry, _Haru_ ,” I say, smiling at Haruka with a wide smile. “Old habits… am I right?”

Haruka shrugs and I feel myself grinning even more when Haruka’s cheeks grow redder with every second that passes. By the time I’m ready feeding him, Haruka’s about same the color as tomatoes.

I didn’t expect Haruka to talk much today, since he hasn’t started speech therapy yet, talking must be extremely hard for him. But as we’re at the hospital, waiting in the waiting room, he turns his head to me. I look back at him and find myself wondering why there are tears welling up in his eyes.

“M-makoto?” His silent voice is barely audible in the busy waiting room. “W-why?”

I frown, not knowing what he means by that, and ask, “What? Why.”

Haruka bites the inside of his cheek and tries again. “Why c-care f-f-for me?”

Confusement strikes me and I suddenly don’t really know what to answer. Has he really asked me why I cared for him? Why I took him in and dedicated my life to making sure he was okay?

“Well.” My cheeks get warm, I have my reasons, and I have many of them. “I, um, I guess I thought I owed you… you know, for when you saved my life at the beach that one time?”

Haruka looks away, almost as if he’s disappointed with my answer.

“That, and you’re my best friend, Haruka.”

His blue eyes shoot at me and he frowns.

“Sorry… You’re my best friend, _Haru_.” I correct myself so he doesn’t have to waste his voice on telling me. “And I couldn’t stand the thought of letting you die, you know, since I-I…”

I get interrupted by Haruka’s name being called out by Aimoto’s voice.

I look away from Haruka, but feel my cheeks getting warmer while I roll him through the hallways as we follow Aimoto to his office. Our eyes don’t meet until Aimoto starts this meeting by asking me how Haruka has been doing.

I shake my head.

“What?” Aimoto’s eyes shoot at Haruka and I can see confusion taking over every other expression on my face. “Has he not been doing well?” I hold back a grin when I tell him to ask Haruka, and after a moment of hesitation Aimoto does as I tell him.

Haruka doesn’t smile, he even looks a little embarrassed as he forced out a short, stammered and silent “good” before glancing away.

Aimoto glances at me and says, “Oh, well, I see… when has he, uhm, _have you_ started talking again?”

I see Haruka struggling to get the words out of his throat and tell Aimoto all about this morning myself, and when I’m finished I almost burst out in laughter; I’ve never seen a grown man look so confused in my entire life before, and I’ve seen my fair amount of confused grownups.

“That’s great.” Aimoto smiles while readjusting his glasses. “Yeah, okay, wow! I honestly gave up hope on you regaining the ability to talk, but since you do we will start planning speech therapy as soon as possible, if that’s okay with you?”

Haruka nods, and I do too; out of habit, since I’m used to speaking for Haruka by now.

We talk over some other things, because that’s why we originally came here. Aimoto tells us that Haruka’s likely to be able to use his hands and upper body to its fullest, but that there’s a huge chance that Haruka won’t be able to walk for, probably, about a couple of years since his legs have completely stopped working. That’s because, even though he has complete conscious now, he still has quite a big amount of brain damage.

Other than that everything looked great, much better than they’d expected when looking at the Haruka that got here for check-ups a few months ago. So much has changed, and I am happier than I’ve ever been! Now’s my job to make sure Haruka also feels that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authorsnote:
> 
> Hey there,  
> Okay, so the next chapter is THE LAST one :)  
> I finished writing, literally, one minute ago and I am pretty proud of this story if I may say so myself! I'm curious to see what you think of it, and I hope you don't find it too romanticized, because like I said in the beginning this is pure research and my strong will to work towards something that I can call a "happy ending". but we shall see, won't we?
> 
> Love, Noa <3
> 
> Next Chapter:  
> "My favorite person is Makoto Tachibana," he said... :)


	7. "My Favorite Person Is Makoto Tachibana," he said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My favorite person in the entire world is Makoto Tachibana," he said, and I never thought I'd ever hear him say that.

“My Favorite person in the entire world is Makoto Tachibana,” Haruka says, talking slowly while glaring at the floor. “He’s my best friend and he stayed by my side, even when it got really hard.”

I smile, glancing from Haruka to the small class of children that glare at Haruka with huge eyes. They’re extremely interested, or so it seems, and I got the most enthusiastic reaction when I told them yesterday that Haruka would be able to come by.

I never expected this to happen, to hear Haruka say those words, but after months of therapy, he’s much more like himself again. He still doesn’t like talking much, but I think he enjoys having the opportunity to whenever he needs to say something.

And he’s no longer completely dependent of me, since now he can do mostly anything but get out of bed himself and walk. Other than that he’s mainly independent.

That’s why, since he’s doing so well and it’s exactly six months after Haruka started showing the first signs of regaining consciousness, we decided to make today a special day; first he’d join me at work, at least at the end of the morning, that’s why he’s here in my classroom right now.

And afterwards, in five minutes when the bell rings, I’ll be driving us to the local pool so we can go swimming. Yes, swimming! Of course Haruka will need some help and in the water he’ll be mostly depending on either me or some kind of floating device to hold onto, but I’m sure he’ll enjoy it. Because even though he had a traumatic experience last time he swam, he can’t stop shutting up about wanting to learn how to swim again.

“So, as you can see,” I continue where I left off before Haruka got the word. “My friend Haruka has, just like you, also some difficulties with things. And that’s what I wanted to talk about, shortly.”

The children’s gazes move from Haruka to me when my voice breaks the silence.

“Sakura, you asked why I wasn’t giving class for a while, do you remember?”

The little girl nods, her expression curious as ever.

“That has to do with Haruka, because he’d been very sick for a long while,” I explain, glancing at Haruka who’s still focused on the ground. “And then he suddenly started getting better, and I wanted to be there for him, you understand?”

Sakura nods again and then looks at Haruka as she asks, “So, are you better now? Has mister Tachibana been sweet to you, like he is to us?”

I chuckle and Haruka looks up at me for some sort of approval before he answers, “Yes, he wa--he is.”

A smile appears on my face, causing Haruka to start blushing. He grins lightly when the bell rings and the parents of the kids walk inside, probably because he thinks I won’t see him smiling sheepishly.

I tell the children goodbye before turning back to Haruka and saying, “I’ll do my work when we’re home, let’s go. Okay?”

Haruka nods once, and watches me as I pack my things before walking to the door. “Are you coming?” I ask, turning around to Haruka.

He nods again and starts wheeling himself towards me and through the door.

We don’t speak much in the car drive, but we don’t have to, since it’s only a few minutes long drive. Within no time we arrive at the indoor swimming pool, close to where we live.

I help Haruka change into his swimsuit and press myself into one of my high school swimsuits, before we go inside. My feet on the cold tiles, they bring back flashes of memories, as I push Haruka towards the pool. Haruka’s clearly also thinking back of the days, to when everything was easier, and I guess only the smell of chlorine is enough to give us both that nostalgic feeling.

I stop nearby the pool and get out the floats for around Haruka’s waist and arms, but he stops me.

“I don’t need them,” he says, his face completely flushed as he watched the water splatter against the edge of the pool.

I frown and tell him that he clearly does, that he cannot expect to be able to swim after four, almost five, years of not swimming, and nearly walking, at all.

He looks at me. His mouth slowly opens and he glances away before he says, “Not if you hold me.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Okay, I guess I can act as your floating device. Yeah, sure.”

It’s not easy getting Haruka in the water, and we both don’t feel like asking anyone’s help; Haruka, because he still seems rather ashamed of not being completely independible and me because I have taken complete care of him without much help for so long this shouldn’t be this hard.

Eventually we get into the water, and when the little waves splash against my back, I feel chills running down my spine. Not because the water is cold, but because it takes me back to that day, when it all happened.

I close my eyes and slowly walk into the deeper water while Haruka clings onto me tightly. Our chests are touching and his arms are wrapped around my neck like a young child would do, and for some reason I feel slightly uncomfortable about it.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Haruka’s voice sounds, calm and soothing.

I smile awkwardly as I feel my cheeks growing redder and warmer. This might seem normal to him, just two best friends; one helping the other doing his favorite thing in the world. But to me it feels different because, even after all that we’ve been through, there are words unspoken.

Legs wrap around me as well and as Haruka lays his head on my shoulder I hear a soft whisper. It’s barely audible, but I can make out a “thank you”.

I frown and, even though I’ve done a lot of things that Haruka might feel like saying thank you for, I ask, “Why?”

Haruka shrugs and says, “Taking care of me, being beside me all the time when no one was.” He pauses and I can feel his grip tightening as I lower us more into the water. “And now this, you’re always there for me… helping me when I need it. And, even though I still don’t quite understand why, thank you for doing that, Makoto.”

I swallow, my throat is tight and my eyes are closed now as I try to control the redness of my cheeks. And for some reason it just blurts out, the thing I wanted to say since we were just twelve years old, the thing I kept deep inside of me and locked away for Haruka to see. I say it!

“I did it because I love you.”

I gasp, not expecting to say that… never did I dare to speak the words out loud, they just were inside of me like this silent whisper that only I could possibly hear, and now Haruka heard them too and I don’t know how I feel about that and what I should think, or do, or say next.

“I mean,” I stammer. “I-I… we… uhm, j—“ but my voice quickly trails off since I don’t know what to say anyway, I might only make it worse.

Haruka’s fingers are digging into my back, and for a moment I’m sure I ruined everything, but then he whispers, “Yeah, same here.”

“Really?” I ask, surprised by that. Haruka never showed any interest in anyone, for years I thought he might even be aromantic, or something, but now… I don’t even know what to think anymore.

Haruka nods into my shoulder and then he lets himself drift away from me a little, still holding on, but I can see him now. He’s completely red, and his ocean blue eyes look at me in a different way than they ever did before when he says, “Well, you _are_ my favorite person in the world.”

Before I can say anything at all, Haruka’s lips are on mine and his hands are digging into my hair and my hands are wrapping around his waist. And I feel things I’ve never felt before, like my stomach is filling up with cherry blossom pedals as Haruka’s sweet-tasting lips move against mine.

And after our lips part, I’m sure a lifetime has gone by and it still seemed way too short, and Haruka’s eyes meet mine again, we both start blushing.

I feel my own lips part. “And you are mine,” I say, immediately after going in for a second kiss; because that’s what I’ve wanted to do for years and I was weak and I didn’t tell Haruka… I regret not telling him for years, but that’s behind us now; which means we should leave those regrets and that pain behind us, it’s in the past, and right now it’s time for us to start writing a new chapter of our life.

**The End <3**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> (to myself: okay keep up the happy authorsnotes... yay!)
> 
> Okay, hey there,  
> As you might see; this is the last chapter of the story and honestly I'm surprisingly happy with this story. You seen to like it too, but I'm not sure, mind letting me know what you think of it?
> 
> Yeah, that was my happy authorsnote, haha... no but really, I wasn't in the mood of writing a happy authorsnote today, honestly; I'm in one of my unsure moods, which I haven't been in a while.  
> Your comments on this story have kept me happy honestly, because you just all seemed so positive about a story I had by doubts about; I asked myself all the questions "is my writing good enough?", "isn't this idea too weird?", "my mind is fucked up, isn't it?", "isn't it too romanticized?" and "have I done my research well?"... yep, that's what being an insecure writer feels like, and you have shown me through the comments that you, maybe, even liked this story... and I thank you all for that, it made me happy to get comments and have people leaving their thoughtprocess.
> 
> But today was one of those insecure days, but I'm just going to hope that you also like this last chapter. 
> 
> Love, Noa <3
> 
> Edit: Did you like this? I've written a prequel for this story, and it's called "Sometimes Christmas isn't The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, just for the people who might not know, I want to give a short explination about Vegetative State.  
> I, of course, did lots of research before writing this short story and I had some information about it from older stories I've written, but you might not really know what it is and are not really getting what I'm going for with my discriptions in the fanfic. 
> 
> Persistent Vegetative State/PVS is a disorder of conciousness in which a patient with severe braindamage is not aware of their surroundings, but is merely partial arousal. People in a PVS are diferent from people in a coma, since PVS patients have a wake-sleep cycle, which means they have periods of opening their eyes and periods of closing them and sleeping, and coma patients don't.
> 
> A PVS patient has almost no control of their body; they can't control their bowelfunction, talk or communicate in any way, swallow (in some/most cases), and they're completely unable to follow instuctions. They might sometimes moan, make facial expressions/cry/smile and they may get startled by things like loud sounds or move their eyes towards a person or object when it's moving; this doesn't perse mean they're aware. 
> 
> PVS patients need 24/7 care as they need to be washed, fed, need diaper/catheter changes, muscle/joint excersise and changes of positions/walks in wheelchair multiple times a day to keep them alive without them getting infections.  
> Someone in PVS can live 2 to 5 years (in some cases longer) if they don't die from/get out of their PVS within the first six months and get proper care at either a hospital, facility or at home. 
> 
> I think that's about all there is to know, if you have any questions about this, feel free to ask me (but I don't know things that aren't in my research sorces).  
> Maybe you learned something new today? I'd say go up to someone you want to impress or something and think of this as a reason to brag a little. If you already knew this, you're either someone who likes to do lots of research for a story, someone who paid attention to a biology lesson I didn't have in high school, or you've been in contact with someone who's a PVS patient or I don't know, any other option... ha ha (Idek)
> 
> Okay, that was my infodump-like-authernote.
> 
> Love, Noa <3
> 
> PS. I'll try to post the second chapter tomorrow (11-7-2020), but that depends how the writing will go (I'm halfway the 2nd chapter draft)


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